The Power of a Donut

Tonight we begin the Yom Kippur holiday, a day of fasting and atonement. The story of Jonah and the Whale is always told during the services. There are several speculations why we do this. The story has all the elements of personal struggle, feeling vulnerable, mercy and redemption - timeless themes to which we can all relate.

I had just started college and lived at home in New York and as always, I went to Congregation Shaare Zedek with my parents. I knew everyone but there had not been any interesting social connections for me there. There were few kids and they were all either older or younger.  Until that year – 1978 – when SG suddenly appeared and my heart raced.

SG was in my Hebrew School class in 5th grade and I had a strong crush on him. After that I lost track of him, until to my extreme delight, he ended up in the seat next to me in a lecture hall on my first day of college. Woo-hoo!  We’d be in class together all year!  And then it got even better!  His parents joined our synagogue!  Now the holidays and long services were exciting!

During Yom Kippur, there is a Yizkor service to remember the deceased. You stay inside to pray if you have lost a parent, sibling or child. Everyone else gets to go outside on break for 20 minutes.

I met SG outside. It was 11:30am and the last time I had eaten was at 6pm the night before.

“Well, I’m off to do my morning ritual,” said SG. “Want to join me?”

“What?” Where?

“Come on, follow me. We don’t have much time!”

I would have followed him anywhere so I stopped asking. We walked 7 blocks down Broadway and he stopped at Biba’s Donuts.

“You can’t go in there!  Not today!”

“Sure I can. I have a blueberry donut every day and I’m not missing it today.  I’m going to have my donut. I can buy you one if you didn’t bring any money.”

God was testing me.  Oh, the anguish!  Love! Hunger! The sweet smell of donuts and coffee. Partners in crime.

I waited outside, staring through the large glass window at all the people sitting at the counter, facing the wall of donuts in their trays, waitresses refilling coffee cups, people wiping away crumbs with little paper napkins from dispensers. SG turned towards me, looked through the window and took a huge bite stuffing half the donut in his mouth, grinning and wiping powdered sugar off his lips. The bastard consumed 2 donuts in 2 minutes and then we raced back to synagogue. 

I retell this story every year to my kids, even as adults. When tested, what do you do?  Would I have gone with SB if I had known where we were going?  Was I afraid of getting caught? Who am I betraying by eating a donut on this day?

Ultimately, we have to make decisions – sometimes in a few seconds - when the only witness is ourselves.

SG is happily married and lives with his husband in NY.

Biba’s Donuts closed decades ago and there is now a Banana Republic in its place.

Shaare Zedek is holding their last service in their magnificent sanctuary. In order to survive, the congregation sold the air rights above, the building will be torn down, condos will be built and the synagogue will occupy 3 floors in the new space. 

I think it’s time I add blueberry donuts to our family table to break the fast. For me, they became the symbol of doing the right thing.

G’mar Hatimah Tova!  May you be inscribed in the book of life!