All vegetables are innocent. Unless you're a cucumber.

A few days ago, I checked my work email in the morning getting ready for work. Usually there are none, but here was a note from my boss at 1am that she has a bad sinus infection and is cancelling her 7am meeting. The next email had some instructions to cancel and  reschedule the rest of her day. As I scrambled to reply and send a couple of emails, someone else from the office texted with a problem that needed an immediate solution. I had to think about that one, then we had some back-and-forth texting. I had not even had coffee yet. 

I went to the kitchen to make a coffee for the road. I do a pour-over: the plastic thing with a paper filter that sits on top of your cup and you pour boiling water over the grounds.

I poured too much.

As I held the cup in my left hand and moved it, I somehow managed to spill it on the palm of my right hand.

Luckily this happened in the sink so I could immediately turn on the cold water and let it run over my hand.  After that, I iced it for a few minutes and decided to sit quietly and let myself recover from the shock and slow down. Then I drove to the office.

Gripping the steering wheel hurt. Moving my right hand hurt.

The morning passed in a busy blur and then it was lunchtime.

I went to the break room to make myself a little something to eat. I keep a few fresh vegetables to slice up but I had not refreshed my supply and the only thing left in my stash was an unappetizing semi-withered Persian cucumber.

As I reached to take it out with my right hand, I realized it made the perfect cold-pack. Gripping a cold cucumber on my burnt palm felt really soothing. 

Since we all just completed the new and improved sexual harassment training, I was keenly aware that I may be perceived as performing an inappropriate act in the work place if I walk around holding a cucumber or if I'm seen holding it at my desk. Should I show the HR ladies next to me that this is medicinal and therapeutic?  Or would the very act of showing them “I’m innocent” be considered inappropriate?  Had I chosen a bag of frozen peas, this would not be a question.

Peas are innocent. Cucumbers are lewd.