Blog Schmog

If you followed me over here, welcome and thank you!  

Maybe you know why you are here, but I’m not sure that I have that all figured out. 

I like reasons. I like goals. I like lists.  

I am writing because they asked. They know who they are. 

I am writing for future generations. I’d like to believe that one of my descendants will wonder if that funny birthmark ran in the family, if their great-great-great-grandmother Marian ate pumpernickel bread from Zabars, or what their ancestors did when they lived in suburbs on planet earth.

I am writing to fund my retirement. Advertisers will flock to my site, click merrily and flood my PayPal account with PPC royalties (that’s Pay Per Click. see, I’ve done my homework).  I’m going to bundle 25 posts into a book and self-publish and get 5-star reviews on Amazon. Then come the NPR segments and the New Yorker pieces. Then I’ll negotiate a movie deal. Have I impressed you with my solid business plan?  Don’t worry, I still contribute to my 401K and IRA; I’m not totally nuts.

I am writing to apologize for not liking you on FaceBook. I like you a whole lot!  I’m not on FaceBook because I can’t lie. What if I told you I couldn’t come to your first ukulele solo at open mic night because I was attending a work thing. And then I forgot and posted my falafel ’n waffle sandwich from the new vegan-kosher-halal-comfort-food food truck 2 blocks away while you were strumming?

I am writing because I am too long-winded for Twitter. Trump could start WWIII with one tweet. I could not tell you what I had for lunch in 140 characters. 

I am writing because I take lousy pictures even with a smartphone and can’t figure out the simplicity of Instagram.

I am writing to nail down material for my stand-up comedy schtick that I will invite you to in 10 years when I get over my stage fright and you won’t make it because you have a work thing. 

I am writing because I’ve been inspired by the great female slice-of-life writers before me. Erma. Nora. Gilda. Tina. Lena.* They all started somewhere. They all have names that end in ‘a”.  If that’s a pre-requisite, then I messed up because I had one and got rid of it!  *Erma Bombeck, Nora Ephron, Gilda Radner, Tina Fey, Lena Dunham

I am writing for myself. As Ira Glass said, “You’ll hit gold more often if you simply try out a lot of things.”

I am going to try out a lot of things.