How to Prepare for Passover

I read a few online versions of How to Prepare for Passover.  The technical parts are pretty thorough but I don't understand how they missed these steps: 

Four weeks before:  Discuss who to invite to the seder. Speculate who will accept or decline and why. Come up with potential second tier guests.

Three weeks before:  Compose a menu and an order for the kosher ready-made food company. The one with the better chicken soup (not watery and not too salty) and brisket (they sent a nice one last year). Place order for ready-made foods before the cut-off date or you’ll be stuck with nothing. Take into account all dietary preferences: kosher, vegan, low fiber (Crohn’s), low sugar, and which leftovers we like best. 

Two weeks before:  Shop for household items that are broken or need a refresh, consult family members on how to get unfound items on Amazon to arrive in time to install them. 

One week before: Arrive at Mom’s house to begin final preparations. Visit all grocery stores within one mile radius to see their Passover selection. Note if they have Manischewitz, Streit’s or an Israeli brand. Note the prices and quantities. Grab the good stuff now before it’s gone. If you don’t find, ask if they are getting more in before the holiday starts. Decide if you can wait that long or make do with an inferior substitute. If you find what you want but the price seems high, see if you can get it elsewhere - you can always come back and overpay later. If you find what you want but in a larger-than-desired quantity, stand in the aisle and think about it for 10 minutes, trading advice with other confused shoppers until you make a decision that will leave you dissatisfied. 

[Side note: I am on time and performed this step yesterday. I went to 5 grocery stores on the Upper West Side in Manhattan to scout who has what and to pick up the obvious.]

3-5 days before:  Clean out the highest shelves in the kitchen, the ones you saved for last, if you have the energy and don’t want to bother the cleaning lady to do. Start staging all the food:  Passover non-perishables in shopping bags in the bedroom, perishables tucked in the fridge out-of-sight-and-easy-reach; chametz up front and center because you have to finish it all before Friday at 9am. 

1 day before:  Make the matzo balls and charoset. Buy the greens. Open the folding tables and chairs. Wait all day for the caterer’s food delivery. Call the caterer a few times between 6-10pm to ask if the driver is really on his way. At 11pm, look at your watch every 3 minutes and grumble: where is he? how late do they deliver?  At 11:45pm, jump and answer the door for the delivery guy. Get your wallet and add a few dollars to the tip you prepared because the poor guy is still delivering at midnight. 

Day of Seder:  At 8:45am remind all the sleepy people shuffling into the kitchen that they have 15 minutes to eat the last of the chametz left on the kitchen table. After that, they are ON THEIR OWN. Watch all family members conveniently leave and head for Starbucks. Remind them that they better be home by 3pm to rest and take showers and clean the bathroom so it looks decent before company arrives. 

These are the sacred rituals that all Jewish households perform. It’s a favorite holiday. Excitement builds as you go through these steps. As my mother and I prepare together, we stop for a moment to acknowledge:  oh yes, we actually enjoy doing this! 

Chag Samach 

Happy Holiday